Good Manners are Appreciated
However, formality does not mean respect
Photo by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash
I hope you have taken some time and looked at my blog to familiarize yourself with what living in Mexico will be like, especially for someone who did not grow up here. So much is different; etiquette, how things are done and the noise, oh, the noise.
Daily life in Mexico varies dramatically and individuals experience different challenges based on social, cultural, lifestyle and class factors. My posts will help you because I write about the kind of situations you are guaranteed to encounter.
One in particular has to do with the importation of the "American" way of life by expats moving to Mexico. Be thoughtful about the situation and do not expect silly things such as everyone having to speak English because you do not know Spanish.
Differences will exacerbate if you do not embrace the notion that you are the one moving to another country, not the other way around. On the other hand, similarities that are widely shared throughout the country, but not necessarily by you, will drive you crazy.
From our experience living in Mexico City, I believe you will find the lack in manners from the majority of individuals here to be most bothering. I'm not saying everyone lacks manners, I just want to prepare you for the discomfort that comes from this ignorance.
In Mexico, "I can do what I want, when I want"
We have made a life in Mexico City for roughly 17 years, but I still do not understand why nothing here is reciprocal. There is still a lot that goes on in Mexico that rubs me the wrong way, namely the behavior of some that act as if they are the only ones living here.
Actions speak louder than words and I believe a person's behavior tells a lot about their character. For instance, you probably consider someone respectful for referring to you as "usted". I would not read too much into this because it is a formality in Mexico and really has nothing to do with their values or who they are.
I mean the guy that picks up my trash addresses me by "usted", but he still blares his music as he makes his way along the street at 8 in the morning. Really annoying.
I would much rather have him address me by my name or by "tu"" than being disturbed with his loud music. That's just me though.
It is called courtesy. It costs nothing, but is hard to come by in Mexico. You will find that most residents are not at all considerate of others or just simply do not care.
It is the reason you will be bombarded with constant noise in Mexico. From the gas guy screaming "el gas, el gas.......eeeeeeeeel gas" to being startled by the blaring smoke stack as a food vendor comes down your street.
Now with the elections coming up, the noise is about to increase intensely. Just the other day an individual came around blasting some campaign slogan for the PAN candidate.
It went on for about an hour as he took turns parking on every street. Eventually he cut it short as residents in my colonia started coming out to see what all the commotion was. This is why it is important to research where you want to live beforehand.
Hypocrisy is HUUUUUGE in Mexico
Individuals here would like you to think that they are very respectful and you might agree if you only judge people by greetings. You will begin to second-guess when you hear words like "güey", "cabron" or "que oso" as you walk away.
Those terms are used by "nacos", who consider themselves better than anyone, including expats living in Mexico. I don't use those words and I don't expect others to use them either.
Chilangos, residents living in Mexico City, always want to be treated with respect. However, you will find that although they do not want to be offended, they will try to offend you. They do not respect foreigners as some articles about life in Mexico will make you believe.
As a matter of fact, they will try to make themselves and Mexico seem better than any other country or person. They are proud people.
That said, I love reading about how respectful Mexicans are towards their elderly and the opposite sex. Women maybe, but men not so much. Male courteousness towards women and the elderly, like opening doors or giving up your seat, is displayed only in public.
Most of the time it is to impress someone or to just plainly court you, even if married or with the wife sitting next to the husband. The wife's expression will say it all.
Culture in Mexico doesn't help the circumstances here
I see the culture in Mexico as an obstacle for advancement. I talk about Mexican culture, including work culture, in this post. It will explain some basics about the behavior of people living in Mexico city and in other Mexican cities, all the same.
For instance, machismo is a big deal and is seen as a decree by Mexican men. It is a problem and this video shows an English Professor at the UAM getting assaulted by her husband in the middle of a virtual class. The video is in Spanish and has been edited for sound only.
How about the widely accepted practice of having two families? You have "first-family" that you live with and you have "second-family", the one you support financially and only visit every once in a while. Respect at its best. Don't you agree?
But they treat their elders with so much respect and take care of them in their latter years. Look, you obviously do not understand the inner workings of Mexico, yet. Individuals who live in Mexico make very little money and cannot afford to live alone.
The reason why they take care of their elders is because they are most likely living in their home. Simple, nothing else to it.
I hate how waiters, waitresses or any other service industry worker is treated in Mexico. They are never addressed with respect. I guess they are seen as unworthy of being treated as a human. I have seen waiters get chewed out for stirring fruit drinks before serving them.
I treat them really nicely because they have a lot of power over your food. Watch out if the server has a big smile as you are about to take a bite of your taco. Also, prepare for more drama if your server is not a "güero".
It is also something you should be aware of for your own sake. Your skin color will be a factor on how you will be treated.
Do not be alarmed
Behavior varies all over the world and you will not agree with everyone's actions. Although a lack of manners is a consequence of an absence of an education, whether at home or formally. That is a whole other issue that does not seem to be getting solved anytime soon.
The only thing you can control is your reaction. I don't encourage bad behavior and I express it by not being rude to others. I will stop hanging out with individuals for this reason.
However, we have all acted "privileged" at times. I know everyone has avoided giving up your seat by acting as if you do not know someone needs the seat, like pretending to sleep.
I also know individuals act like the most Christian person in the world and then try to get in bed with every person of the opposite sex they encounter. I'm not saying it is normal, just that it tends to happen.
Best you can do is understand what you are about to live in Mexico. My blog explains Mexico in general, but my guide offers more detail about living here.
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